Sent to you by Doris via Google Reader:
via Best of Craigslist by robot@craigslist.org on 8/2/12
Dear girl who was making eyes at me today on the bus,I saw you making eyes at me today on the bus. Thanks, it was a big boost to my self esteem while I was on my way to get a haircut. In fact, your amorous glances almost made me second-guess my intentions. In the end, however, I imagined that my post-haircut appearance would make for even more eyes in the future. Anyway, I've got a piece of business to take care of with you.
I am not a particularly outgoing individual when it comes to flirtation, but I do know when to take a hint. Eye-making is a big indicator that I should try to start a conversation. Here's the problem: you were listening to music. The tiny white iPod headphones that were filling your head with tunes also served as an iron curtain between you making eyes at me and me starting a conversation. Now, my first instinct was to guess that maybe you were not actually making eyes, but instead looking at me because I had a booger. Well, I will have you know that upon arriving at the haircutter's, I went into the bathroom to discover a boogerless under-nostril area. Furthermore, I could detect no glaring physical imperfections that would have caught your attention, especially from four seats away and across the aisle. This leads me to believe that you were, in fact, making eyes at me today on the bus.
So why, my friend, would you pursue making eyes at me today on the bus while still listening to your music. Are you also a shy flirter? If so, then I would say that we have something in common. In fact, we probably could have talked about how shy we are when it comes to flirting. But, as I have already stressed, conversation was impossible as you were listening to music. Maybe you were trying to idealize me to yourself. Maybe you thought that by speaking to me, you would shatter the perfect picture you had painted in your head. Well listen-I'm not perfect, but neither are you. I mean, can't two people just talk to each other and get to know each other and see where life takes them instead of being too afraid to pursue something for the fear that it might not work out?
I know what you were thinking. A house right? A house with a white picket fence, three kids, a dog and my green Prius in the driveway. Hey, that sounds great. It sounds safe, pleasant, and enjoyable. But I'm 25 years old, and I'm not ready to settle down yet. I've got dreams and plans, and I can't just throw them all away for you. Listen, we had a moment back there. But that is in the past now. Another time, another place, sure, maybe we can make things work. But right now? I need to be my own man. I need to travel, adventure and sow my wild oats. So I'm sorry, but things just aren't going to work out. Maybe next time you make eyes at me on the bus, you will do it free-eared. Then, and only then, we can see where life takes us.
Public transportationively yours,
Your future husband.
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